Gardening March 2, 2012

Things I like about gardening (you know… after one go at it…)

• Being outside with my boys
• The satisfaction of a giant pile of weeds after just a few minutes of work.
• Gardening gloves make me feel somewhat invincible. Pokey weeds, tough & woody weeds… even snails and worms… no problemo.
• The warm setting sun on my back.
• My sweet Jaden spotted our neighbor out to check his mail and ran over there, with a “wishing” dandelion in hand. They had a short conversation and when he returned he said, “I love giving.” And I love that boy.
• Dry leaves cleared out= stuff for my new hubby-made compost bin.
• They say it burns calories. Which sounds cool… especially if I actually kept track of that kind of thing. Bet I burned off a whole stick of gum.
• There’s a lot of potential there! That garden bed could hold tomatoes (which is what I’m told it held last) or roses or cosmos or… anything! (okay… not anything exactly… but lots of cool stuff)
• If I miss a weed, no worries. It’ll grow back and I can tackle it all over again. There aren’t many problems you can say that about. At least not with so little harm done when it does come back.
• The boys love to collect the snails we find. I get rid of pests, they get new pets. Win-win.

It’s gonna be a great Spring.

When “thanks” isn’t enough December 29, 2011

Have you ever received a gift that just blew you away? One so generous, thoughtful and spot-on that you just don’t know what to say? That’s what happened here today. The doorbell rang, the kids ran to the door as Jeremy opened it and brought in a huge box marked Excalibur Dehydrator. Folks, this is THE home dehydrator as far as I’m concerned (and as far as many raw foodists are concerned). We’ve been hoping to make room in the budget to save up for one, and here it was! This gift came from some very dear friends (whose names I won’t share because, like many generous souls, I’m pretty sure they’d prefer to remain out of the spotlight).

We opened the box, looked over the dehydrator and were awestruck. Really??? That’s just too generous! As we tried to decide where to put it, I just kept thinking “WOW! How do we say thank you for such a generous gift? I don’t feel worthy!” I kept saying to Jeremy, “But how do we… how do we say thank you for something like that? You can’t just say ‘thank you.’ That doesn’t really cover it.” We thought of Jeremy’s pottery (he’s an excellent potter)… but his wheel isn’t functional at the moment. We thought of hand-building something ceramic… but it’s not as cool as thrown stuff. We weren’t trying to think of paying back; just how to say thank you. We can’t give back in kind. Not right now. We simply don’t have the resources. And I think it would lessen the gift and maybe even hurt our friends’ feelings if we did feel like we needed to give in kind. They didn’t give to be given to; that’s not who they are. They gave because they love us and want to help us on the paths we want to be on. THAT is who they are. Still… we’d like to give something because a simple “thank you” doesn’t express what we’d like to say.

And gradually it dawned on me.

Salvation is the same kind of gift… except more so.

Jesus knew exactly what we needed. He knew what it would take to give it to us… and He gave it anyway.

And Jeremy’s and my response to our friends’ gift is exactly what God is hoping for in response to His gift. God’s love, God’s gift ought to motivate us to follow His commands. Not because we’re under compulsion to do so. Not because God said we had to. Rather, because we realize the gift was perfect. Spot on. Just what we needed. When we needed it most. When we were least capable of providing it for ourselves.

We love because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”
Ephesians 5:1,2

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ.”
Ephesians 2:4, 5

Christianity isn’t a to-do list. It isn’t meant to be something motivated by fear (at least not once some maturity is gained… but that’s a different post). It isn’t even supposed to be about a coming reward. It’s a life lived in service because of gratitude. It’s an acknowledgement of a gift received that wasn’t earned or deserved or warranted. It’s saying every day and with every breath, “God, you gave and I know I can’t repay you, but I want you to know how very VERY grateful I am… so this day, this breath is yours. May it be to your glory.”

You know, I still don’t know what to say to our friends. But I think the fact that their gift helped me to better see something I already knew just makes the gift that much more special. And I think maybe sharing that deeper understanding with you is better than any thank you.

First thing into the dehydrator? Kale chips. :o)

Eating Raw… So far December 12, 2011

We started on Thursday (5 days ago) with eating a raw vegan diet and had nothing cooked until Sunday! We’ve been dabbling in raw for a few months now, but this was our first concerted effort. Day one I really did a good job drinking all my water (32 ounces first thing in the morning, total of half your body weight in ounces… i.e. if you weigh 100 lbs, you drink 50 oz water daily). Day two… well… not so much. Day three… nope. I knew the water drinking would be the biggest challenge for me and I proved myself right. Hmm. More positive thinking needed!

Acai-less acai bowl

We were doing the three day cleanse from Penni Shelton’s book, but our preparation fell short on Friday. We stayed away from home longer than anticipated, didn’t bring food with us and by the end of the day, we were starving. The kids had been rather poorly-behaved and I guess we let our emotions get us. I did anyway. I’d been looking forward to making a really lovely and sweet smoothie to satisfy my sweet tooth and learned that no such thing was in my three day cleansing future, so I felt punished and deprived. My hubby came up with the brilliant concoction of drizzling honey over some raw cashews and WOW was that good. It wasn’t on the cleanse and my perfectionist self was disappointed, but I’m learning to let her go. I really think we’d have ended up with honey mustard sandwiches from Golden Chick if he hadn’t come up with that and/or if I had let Patty Perfectionist rule the day. We made ourselves some acai bowls a la Barefoot Market (except… umm… ours were acai-less since we have no acai… haha) and that really hit the spot. Off to bed at a (semi) decent hour and we were feeling good on Saturday morning.

Saturday was a lot easier because we were a lot easier on ourselves. We’d given up on the cleanse for the time being and decided we really needed to change some things parenting-wise. I think we had kind of centered our home around ourselves– and that’s not where we want it. More than anything we want to demonstrate Who God is and what He’s about. We tell the kids all the time that obeying us is practice for obeying God as grown-ups. We are responsible to show them God, to be physical representations of God to them… and I think we were being that God so many picture who throws lightning bolts every time you stray the slightest bit. That’s not the God we serve and that’s not the one we want pictured for them. SO… we had to take a bit of focus off of cleansing and onto parenting. Our compromise was good, I think am sure. We ate 100% raw and tried really hard to look for things to praise in the kids. Turns out, we really didn’t have to look far. They are great kids and they needed to know it (we already did… just forgot to tell THEM).

Sunday was potluck day at church and we knew from the git-go that we would not be eating raw that day. We didn’t even try. We made a chocolate tres leches cake to bring and enjoyed eating all the cooked food we wanted. Jeremy was veggie-er than me: he had about 5% raw. Me? Well, like I said… he was veggie-er. ;o) Totinos Pizza finished out the night with Prince Caspian for family movie night. We did resist the Cheetos and made air-popped popcorn, poured some melted coconut oil on, sprinkled some sea salt and– amazingly– it hit the Cheetos spot!!

Today I have done well with my water and I’ve eaten probably 90% raw, 98% vegan (ya know… give or take). Jeremy is, once again, veggie-er than me. Patty is crying in her corner. See if I care.

I’m excited because I’m seeing changes in what I WANT to eat. If I choose to eat something that doesn’t fit with my idea of health, but tastes  oh-so-good, I am finding that just a little satisfies. I don’t feel compelled to stuff as much as I can. And I am finding that I would just rather eat what will feed me, sustain me, nourish me… not simply fill me. What I didn’t find was pleasing, too. I didn’t (and don’t) find that I am just dying to get to my next chance to eat something “forbidden.”

So, with all that said, Let me share a few raw recipes with you and a few of my new favorite websites.

Green Smoothie
Here is a green smoothie concoction for you to try out. Smoothies (green ones, specifically) are staples of eating a raw vegan diet and they’re a great way to get those all-important greens down.

• handful of raw spinach
• 1/2 cup blueberries (we use frozen)
• 1 banana (frozen is best if you ask me!)
• 1/2 cup strawberries (again… frozen)
• whatever fruit is sitting around about to go to the fruit flies
• 1-2 cups nut milk/ hemp milk/ coconut water/ water

Stick it in a blender and blend!
Note: if your blender starts to smoke or blow black chunks, it’s dead. Ask me how I know.

Walnut “Chorizo”
This one comes from a raw foods class taught by Paul Risse and Russell James. This was Paul’s recipe and we love it so much we’ve actually chorizo-ed ourselves out. While we’re taking a break, enjoy it for us, eh? Thanks. If you try it, let me know what you think. I’ll pass the word along to Paul and he’ll smile. Then I’ll smile ’cause I made someone smile and you’ll feel great ’cause you made two people smile and all three of us will be smiling all over the place and who knows what good will come of it. It’ll be like that butterfly who flaps and causes a hurricane… except this will be a hurricane of smiles. Okay, okay… recipe already…

• 1 cup walnuts*
• 1/2 tbs curry powder
• 1/2 tbs coriander
• 1/2 tbs cayenne pepper– or less… this amount makes it pretty spicy!
• 1/2 tbs paprika
• scant tsp black pepper
• 1 tbs Braggs liquid aminos
• 1 tbs nutritional yeast**
• Romaine leaves
• Tomato, onion, avocado (topping)***

Pulse in a food processor until it’s the texture you want (should be crumbly, but kinda sticking together) . Serve in romaine leaves and top with finely chopped tomato, onion & avocado. Serves 2 (hearty servings)

*Can do 1/2 walnuts, 1/2 sun dried tomatoes… also gives a more “meaty” texture

**nutritional yeast is NOT the stuff you make bread with. This stuff is a.k.a. brewers yeast. It comes from the health food store and looks like yellow instant mashed potato flakes.

*** I throw 1/2 an onion & a clove of garlic in the food processor, pulse a few times. Then I add 1/2 a tomato, some sea salt, a few sprigs of cilantro and maybe some lemon juice. Delicious!

Some new favorite websites…

Raw Food Artist– you can’t always find the recipes for the stuff, but just seeing the BEAUTIFUL food is inspiring.

Russell James (a.k.a. The Raw Chef)– amazing what this guy can do with food. We’ve tried several of his recipes and have really enjoyed all of them. Well, to be fair, I have enjoyed all of them. Jeremy  has enjoyed all except one that got “mixed reviews.” lol He’s been in town several times and he’s really a neat guy with a heart to help people out. He IS trying to make a living though, so some of his stuff is to be bought.

Rawmazing– It’s… well… amazing.

“Raw recipes to try” (my Pinterest board)– I’ve been collecting raw recipes from all over that look interesting.

Better Than I Deserve November 6, 2011

So we’ve been here just over a month in Dublin. It’s starting to get colder… on average anyway… today it’s kinda warm. Jaden is adjusting slowly, but surely. He’s so much like me in so many ways… sometimes not in the best ways. He’s an all-or-nothing kinda kid and right now he needs to understand that it’s okay to miss Muskogee AND like it here. He doesn’t like his world being rocked. Yesterday we went to return a bowl to a sweet neighbor who had brought over banana pudding for the kids. The husband answered the door and asked if we were getting settled and how we like it. Jaden piped up (can’t believe we ever thought the kid would be shy!) and said, “Yeah! And I HATE it!”

So we had a talk.

We talked about all the things he doesn’t hate about Dublin. Being on the soccer team with his two friends from the congregation and having his daddy as the coach. Having one of his best buds right down the street. Getting to share a room with his brothers. Nice big back yard with a perfect tree for climbing. The grandfatherly neighbor next door who brings over cookies and books and wants to be called “Pop-Pop.” And on and on.

But he misses his friends and a phone call doesn’t suffice, really. So my heart hurts for him. But I’m also frustrated with him because it seems he is counting his sorrows instead of his blessings.

I know I get the same way sometimes. So I want to remember this… and I want to remember that maybe how I’m feeling right now is how God feels sometimes about the ways I act when I forget that really, I’m blessed far beyond what was promised and beyond what I deserve. So blessed that I really don’t even know how blessed I am. So blessed that I walk past blessings, waste blessings, forget that others would work themselves to the bone, fight wars, kill and be killed for some of the simplest blessings I have…

clean, running water

a good roof over my home

Four happy, healthy, smart, kind, loving boys

a refrigerator stocked with nutritious, safe, delicious food… and a pantry too.

a Bible… many Bibles.

Clothes that fit me and the season

Heated home

and oh! how I could go on.

As Dave Ramsey says… “Better than I deserve.”

Last night as an Okie September 29, 2011

It’s kind of a reflective night tonight. I’m sitting in my front room with miscellaneous stuff scattered around, taking a break from packing, loading, etc. to just think, contemplate, reflect. As of tomorrow, we’ll no longer be Okies from Muskogee. We’ll be Texans. I suppose we will be, anyway. Not really sure what requirements must be met to be official Texans. From what I understand of Texans, they’re pretty proud of their Lone Star State and I would suppose they might not like a Coloradan-NewMexican-Oklahoman just up and claiming the title “Texan.” Anyway, whatever our title will be, after tonight, we’ll be residents of Dublin, TX and it’s really a bittersweet thing!

I think we’ve grown a lot here. For one thing, the size of our family has doubled! Jaden was a few months past two years old when we moved here. He’s six-and-a-half now. We barely even knew we were expecting a baby at all when we packed up a truck and left New Mexico. Now the twins are three, almost four. And then there’s Ean. That little guy was God’s get-on-track gift, I think! But that’s a story for another post (that, if I’m honest, will probably never get posted… just like the mental drafts of 90 other posts that will likely never see the light of day… there are just more important things going on than keeping up with this blog). So here we are. Four years and three months later and we’re packing up the U-Haul again, headed out on another adventure. Twice the family, four years of experiences and memories and growth.

Leaving Muskogee is hard! We have people we love here. We have friends we’ll miss dearly. I’ll miss my house. As dumb as it seems to me, I will… I will miss my house. This is MY house. We bought this house! We prayed for this house. Right now, it feels like that’s the thing I’ll miss the most, but I’m sure that’s because it’s the thing that is right here in front of me. Leaving the other things that leaving Muskogee means will sink in later. Probably in a week or two. It’ll start to sink in that Jaden’s “Ganny” is here. That some of the dearest friends I’ve ever had are here in this area. That our church family that has been with us through so many changes is here. It will all sink in… and I will be sad. Homesick, even.

But it will be alright. Right about then is also when it will start to sink in that we have a new church family. And maybe Jaden will have another Ganny— not to replace this Ganny, but to add to his stock of loved ones. The new house will start to feel like a home. The grocery store won’t be such a foreign, unfamiliar place. The “new” will start to fade just a bit, yet not enough to dim the initial excitement.

I will miss Muskogee, but I will remember the town and the people and the experiences and everything else. It kind of feels like this is where our lives really began. That doesn’t make any sense, but it does kind of feel that way. This is where we lived when three of our four children were born. This is where Jeremy has grown more fully into a strong, powerful preacher. I know my faith has grown. I know that I have grown as a person and as a mom. This is the birthplace of so much for our family. But birthplaces are often launching pads.

So off we go. Launching in…

3…

2…

1!!!

When you don’t know what else to do… August 19, 2011

My little Isaac was being so very rebellious. He was being that kind of kid who purposely does exactly what you just asked him NOT to do. To put it frankly, it was getting to where I didn’t even like the kid– loved him, of course, but didn’t like him much. One day I just could not take it any more. He was driving me nuts all day long and to top it off, he wouldn’t stay in his bed. I remembered a story my dad told of my little sister in the grocery store.

He said he had been shopping and shopping and had finally reached the check out… where my sister proceeded to throw a fit. A serious fit. On the ground, heels kicking, screaming her little three-year-old lungs out. Dad didn’t know what to do but just hug her to him. He hugged and hugged and hugged all thru the line and out to the car (how he managed the groceries, I don’t know). I don’t remember what the end result of the story was, but it must have been good because it became his go-to solution with her and he suggested it as my go-to solution. He tells me often that when I just don’t know what to do with a kid, hug ‘em.

So that’s what I did with Isaac that night (it was hug him or choke him!). We sat on the couch and I just held him and held him. He fought me, but I made him. The whole time I kept thinking I was rewarding him for bad behavior and this was NOT going to work… but what else was I going to do? I was so frustrated with the little booger I was feeling downright violent! Soon enough, he fell asleep. I kept holding him. I stayed for quite a while there on the couch with this little man who suddenly looked like an angel with his long dark lashes, perfect little nose, perfect little mouth. I prayed and sang and just stared at my boy.

The next day, he was a changed kid. Eager to please. Wanting hugs and affection at every turn. Smiling (seemed like it’d been a century since he’d smiled something besides a devilish little grin). He wasn’t stealing his brothers’ toys, he wasn’t screaming for no reason… and he was actually paying attention when I spoke to him. The difference was as night and day!

Ever since that (amazing, wonderful, unbelievable) day, whenever he starts to get a bit ornery, I know just what the problem is. He needs my attention and affection… and that’s just what I give him. I try to make sure the balance in his little love bank remains high, but if it’s slipped, he lets me know! So we hug more. He sits on my lap during story time. I tickle him extra. I turn him upside down again… and again… and again. We have a raspberry war (and I let him win).

And soon his sweet, kind, loving heart is shining through again.

Do you have a trouble kid? What do you do with him/ her?

A few things I love about my six-year-old July 28, 2011

He talks about God and the Bible. A lot. He loves both and he loves talking about both.

He’s one of the kindest, most generous and thoughtful people I know.

He wouldn’t even pretend to lie for the sake of an example.

He makes up completely unintelligible knock-knock jokes and laughs at them.

He can talk… and talk… and talk… and talk…

He says great prayers and often remembers to pray for things that I totally forgot.

He gets really excited to see his brothers and always includes them in his play.

A few things I love about my three-year-olds July 27, 2011

Stumbly good morning hugs with bleary-eyed grins and unintelligible questions left over from sleep.

Little hands in mine. Little arms around my neck. Little feet thundering on the floor. Giant smiles. Giant blue eyes.

They laugh at the smallest things again and again… and again five minutes later.

They don’t know how to fake smile. Or fake laugh. Or fake anything, really.

Isaac calls Isaiah “honey” and “best friend brother.”

Isaiah defends Isaac when I tickle him… knowing he’ll get tickled too… and he’ll love every bit of it.

Fabulous Fourth July 4, 2011

We had a fabulous Fourth of July today. The first half was spent doing… well… doing nothing… which is kinda nice. Almost nothing anyway. I tried to get the kids interested in a book I got at the library on the Declaration of Independence, but it was over their heads. I thought it was cool, anyway. I know amazingly little about American history actually. Which may be why I got a D in that class back in 8th grade. Sorry, Mr. Poland.

Anyway, after a rousing round of nothing, the three oldest and I swooped off to Wally World to gather ingredients for the evening’s festivities. Going to Walmart with three boys who really should be napping is not a great idea, but it turned out okay. We can make a game out of anything, and today the game was Cart Flying. Everyone has their posts around the basket, and our task is to navigate the cart through the crowds both efficiently and politely. Mission: accomplished.

Came home, boys napped, Jeremy and I had a late lunch of black bean hummus (recipe from Whole Foods) with corn tortillas and cucumbers while watching Psych. The boys woke up while I was making dinner & dessert. The prep work, anyway. While I did that, they occupied themselves cleaning up the den and then playing with milk and food dye (loads of fun!… for the how-to, click here and scroll down to #2). Dinner was hand-tossed pizza (thanks to my husband’s mad pizza skills he learned back in the day at his brother’s pizza joint… now called “Tossed and Sauced” in Enterprise, KS) with breadsticks and for dessert… oh yum… THIS was fabulous…

Blueberry Cardamom ice cream (click here for the post it came from).

(that’s her picture too… she’s a great photographer as well as a great writer and chef)

Sasha (whose last name I don’t know) does a great job of selecting, sharing, explaining and reviewing recipes from a different country each week. She’s going around the globe in alphabetical order (which would be a real serious pain in real life), stopping over in just about every country along the way… via the taste buds. Great plan. My kinda plan. And I’m loving watching her do all the work.

Also for dessert, we had these…

They came from another blog (which is a brand new discovery for me) called Our Best Bites. They have a cookbook too, which sounds wonderful, but probably will not be coming anywhere near our kitchen because the recipes probably aren’t all that clean (as in Clean Eating… but that’s another post). Our strawberries didn’t look nearly so pretty because I used almond bark and home-dyed sugar, but they were tasty and the kids thought it was fabulous. Again… mission: accomplished. :o)

We did a few fireworks and had Bible time (we use Bible Study Guide for All Ages and everyone LOVES it), Jeremy read some Hank the Cowdog to the boys as they laid in bed and that’s it! Now Jeremy just finished doing a little bit on his blog, I’m doing a bit on mine and then I’ll do tomorrow’s CFYC post, we’ll have our nightly talking time and head off to bed.

It’s a great life. An everyday kind of life… here in America, anyway. It’s not like this everywhere and I’m glad to have the freedom required for such a great life. May God bless America, but more importantly, may America learn to bless God.

Crafty update & SAHMommying discussion June 27, 2011

I was wanting to blog (since I haven’t in forever and really do enjoy it…) and realized that actually, an email I just sent to a dear friend would be a great blog entry. So, here it is, minus some personal bits…

There’s not a lot of knitting going on around here. I have a pair of purple socks I’m supposedly working on, but they’re just not doing it for me. I wanted them to have nice long, turn-down-able ribbed cuffs… and they’re long… and they’re boring… and they’re taking me forEVer. Possibly because I kinda hate working on them… so I never do. I also have a baby sweater that I’m supposedly working on. It was supposed to be for Ean, but then I figured out that the size I was making was the size he would be in the summer (last year) so I got stalled out. Then started again because I figured out it’d be perfect for a good friend’s baby. But then I lost it for a while and then it was too late ’cause the baby was too big. And that’s kinda it. There’s just not really any knitting project I’m excited about right now… so I’m not doing it. (See? This is why I originally wanted to do the charity knitting… with a REASON for the knitting, and a deadline, maybe that would be motivating… need to look at doing that again).

I’m not craft-less, though. There was a really cool event this past Saturday at the Philbrook museum up in Tulsa. It was called Swap-o-rama-rama. Everyone brought a bag (or more) of unwanted clothing and then you could take whatever struck your fancy. They had a few different stations around to help you transform your goodies if you so chose. There was a lady teaching you how to make tote bags (like for your groceries) out of t-shirts, a lady showing how to make t-shirt yarn (very cool… feeling the love for some simple wash cloths made from former t-shirts… hoping to get going on that soon), there was a table with sewing machines (which were kinda hard to get on because some ladies were kinda not sharing all that well, but whatever), a silk screening table, one with books and ideas on how to reuse and repurpose things and a few other tables as well. That was all very inspiring and I have a few projects for that going. Making a purse out of a pair of jeans, got a bunch of t-shirts to make yarn with and kinda eyeing a sweater from my own closet to chop up into a nice summer top. Very fun!

Stay at home mommying…

Well… I think it really depends on a lot of things. There are a lot of moms out there who are depressed and who have no time and who really kinda hate it. But there are a lot of moms out there who love it… every minute of it. Personally, I’m a ping pong ball bouncing between the two, but (thankfully) residing mostly in the “love it” category. When I’m on top of things and I exercise self-discipline, I am throughly entrenched in the love it. When things start to spin out of control and I start to get down on myself about it, I get depressed. All in all, though, even with the rough patches and the few dark, blue, never-ending-days, I really, really, really, really, REALLY think it’s worth it. It’s worth it to raise my kids myself. I prayed for these kids. I worked to have them. I wanted them and I cherish them… and now the last thing I want to do is hand them off to someone else to raise 8+ hours a day. Or even 2 hours. I firmly believe it’s my God-given call, duty and privilege to train my children (there are a lot of Biblical reasons for that belief, but that’s a different discussion). So though it’s hard sometimes, I think it’s completely worth it.

The happiness part I think depends on a few major factors (in no particular order)…

HUSBAND– is he a supportive guy? Not just in the “yeah, babe. Sure you can quit work and stay home” kinda way. Actively supportive. Will keep the kid and let you go out… not just let… encourage you to get out on your own, preferably at least once a week. I think the ladies who are depressed are down in part (maybe a lot) because they feel like they’ve lost themselves in mommyhood… like their whole sense of self has been swallowed up in mommy-ness. Getting to do something that’s for you and doesn’t involve your child is really key, I think. Like ladies’ Bible class. Like knitting night. Like running a Christian women’s website (shameless plug for Come Fill Your Cup).

ATTITUDE– women of our generation have largely been raised to believe that they’re too good, too talented, too skilled to be “stuck” at home raising kids. It’s supposed to be beneath us. If this is a woman’s belief, she’ll be miserable. If, on the other hand, she sees the value of staying home to raise her kids, she’ll be fulfilled… or a whole honking lot closer anyway. This is a big struggle for me. I definitely grew up believing that being a SAHM is a waste of an intelligent woman. And if you (note… I don’t mean YOU… but you probably knew that) see parenting as nothing more than keeping the kids out of trouble, making sure they’re fed and diapered, then, yep… it’s a waste. But if you see it for what it is (training), then it’s an incredibly challenging career. Everything you do makes an impression on their little brains and at the moment you least expect it, they repeat the most mundane of things from three weeks ago. Talk about living in a glass house! So the trick here is to remember and to constantly remind yourself that this is valuable! You’re molding and shaping a person. A person who could become the next Thomas Edison (brilliant but horrid) or Mark Twain (brilliant but knew nothing of God) or Mother Theresa (who knows if she was brilliant or not, but man did she know how to care!) or whoever.

Also on the attitude front is the desire for immediate gratification. There is no immediate gratification to raising kids. None. It’s fun to see them laugh and lots of giggles are a surefire bet if you’re a fun-loving parent at all… but that’s not really gratification or FRUIT from your labors. And there really is very little fruit for a long time. Again, the trick is to remember that you’re building a whole person. And that’s a complicated thing. I feel like I’m just now starting to see an inkling of fruit in raising Jaden. He’s 6. The twins are still completely nuts a lot of the time, totally disobedient sometimes and downright embarrassing on occasion… but they’re 3 1/2… and that’s how 3 1/2 yr olds are and we’re working on all of that… they’re still in training. Another trick is to have something that DOES give visible gratification and fruit from your work. Like knitting. Or gardening (weed for 15 minutes and see the progress). Or some other crafty thing.

REASON– If you know WHY you’re doing what you’re doing, it means a whole lot more. If you’re just being a SAHM because you can’t afford to keep the kids in day care, you’re much less likely to feel like what you’re doing is worthwhile. If you have nailed down why it is that you want to stay home with your kid and the benefits you foresee for yourself and your family, when times get tough (and they will), you can remind yourself why you’ve made this choice. It may just be that you want to spend more time with your kid, and I think that’s a totally valid reason. One of the many reasons we’ve chosen to homeschool is that we were barely seeing Jaden when he was in public school. He’d be on the bus at 7:00 and not get home until 3:30– at the age of 4. Our entire interaction with him revolved around shoving or shuffling: shuffling him out of bed, shoving him out the door and onto the bus, shuffling him in from the bus, shoving food down his throat, shuffling him off to soccer practice or Tae Kwon Do or Bible study or whatever else, shoving more food down his throat, shuffling him off to bed. Shove ‘n’ shuffle, shove ‘n’ shuffle. And we couldn’t stand it. So when homeschooling gets tough, that’s one of the things I remember: how much I hated the shove ‘n shuffle.

SCHEDULE– I hate schedules. Really hate them. But IMHO they’re necessary… a loose one anyway. Afternoon nap time/ quiet time is not optional for any child in this house. Mommy needs a break. I need to be able to have my Bible study. I need a chance to do something that I want to do. I need to be able to sit down and focus on a task without being interrupted 50 times. So we have trained our kids that after lunch time is quiet/ nap time (about three hours usually). We sit down together and read some books then they go off to their beds. Jaden is too old to take a nap most days, but the twins and Ean still need one. Jaden has specific tasks that he must do at quiet time (pray all the way thru his prayer book, make a note or card for three people, and read for 15 minutes). After that, he may choose a quiet activity to do on his bed (read, color, do a puzzle, etc.) for the rest of quiet time. Another thing that I’m (finally) learning is necessary is to be up before my kids. That fixes the no showering part of many SAHM’s lives. With a small baby, getting up before him can be really tricky… and that’s where the supportive hubby is really helpful again. It also means that I have a chance to gather my thoughts and myself before I meet my kiddos for the day. And it means I get to greet them with a smile and a hug rather than a grump and a “what did you get into THIS time?!”

Pause for side note: I read a blog entry a while back that really affected me. It was talking about greeting your kids with a smile every time you see them. He talked about how you are the most important person (well, you and Daddy) in his life. Imagine if the most important person in your life lit up with a big smile every time they saw you… wouldn’t it make you feel special? and cherished? and confident? and loved? He urged the readers to do that for our kids. I love that thought.

Now back to our regularly scheduled email…

Things that should be in the schedule…

• Date nights should be in the schedule. You’ll (hopefully) be married much longer than you’ll have kids in your house and many a couple has looked around after the kids are gone, not recognized each other and headed straight for divorce court. Don’t lose your marriage. It’s been said that the best thing a dad can do for his kids is to love their mom. I’m pretty sure the reverse would be true too.
• Getting out of the house needs to be a priority too. I think a lot of the SAHMs who are depressed are too much of a SAHM. I went through a spell after the twins were born where getting out of the house with two infants and a three-year-old was just too much to even think of. I didn’t leave my house except for Sunday morning worship, Sunday evening worship and Wednesday evening Bible class. Straight there, straight back. That’s it. Whole weeks would go by where I didn’t even get dressed except to go to church. And I got really, really depressed. Since then I’ve learned that I must get out of the house. If not every day, close to it. Even if it’s just to walk around the block, going beyond my property line is a necessity.
• Speaking of getting dressed, do it. Don’t have too many pajama days. Coming out of depression, I made myself a rule that I would be up and dressed in presentable, could-go-out-if-I-wanted-to clothes by 10:00 AM. Wearing frumpy clothes makes you feel frumpy. Wearing clothes not worthy of public viewing makes you feel unworthy of public viewing (or interacting). Every time you walk by a mirror, you are reminded that you’re frumpy and not worthy of other “normal” people. On the other hand, when you get dressed and look decent, you can be reminded that this is part of real life. This is not just waiting around for your husband to come home, it’s not just hanging out… this is a real job, a valuable use of your time, talents and skills.

So to answer your questions…

• I love/hate and adore/abhor being a SAHM, depending on a lot of things, primarily my attitude.
• It only gets boring when I forget to pay attention to and play with my kids. When I do that, there’s no way it could be boring.
• No, I don’t have a whole lot of time to do my hobbies when my hubby isn’t home. But I do have some. And I do find ways to fit in my hobbies while my hubby is home (I can knit AND cuddle if I use circulars).

Hope that helps you in this decision. I know it can be a scary one. Personally, I say GO FOR IT. I don’t think you’ll ever wake up in old age and say, “Gee… wish I’d spent more time working.” I think you’d be much more likely to say, “Gee… wish I’d spent more time with my kids… especially when they were little.”