Excerpts of Erynn

a blog about… nothing in particular and everything at once

Fashion questions & a theory February 5, 2010

Filed under: silliness — Erynn Sprouse @ 5:36 pm

At the mall yesterday, I saw a guy with his pants around his thighs. Skinny guy. Probably would’ve had a hard time keeping his pants up even if they’d been up where they belong. Now, over the last several years (how long has this been the fashion anyway?) this type of scene has become common, but it still puzzles me… brings up lots of questions.
When they get ready in the morning and fasten their belts so low they have to bend over, do they look in the mirror and think to themselves, “Man! I look gooood!”? Does it add an adrenaline rush to common tasks to be always wondering if your pants will fall down? Maybe that’s the appeal. What about sizing? Men’s pants usually have a waist measurement. Does this type of pants have thigh measurements instead? I know part of the fashion is to have the legs all puddled around the ankles, but I’m figuring there’s a lot of extra leg– too much extra leg on a pair of pants. Do they have to hem them? What about the guys who wear gym shorts over their boxer shorts? Are they cheating? Is the point to show off your boxers?
Probably the most puzzling to me of all the questions is how this fashion caught on. For a long time I wondered if some guy had to wear his little brother’s pants one day and everyone thought he looked cool, but that just sounds silly. Now I have a theory. I think this whole fashion is just a ploy by Joe Boxer and other men’s underwear producers to sell more boxers. I mean, if you’re gonna have ’em hanging out there and so prominently displayed, you’re gonna want ’em to be good lookin’! I can totally see it. Joe Boxer, Ralph Lauren and Calvin Kline were having dinner one night (probably sushi in a fancy restaurant) discussing sales. With one too many sakes, Ralph confesses, “My sales are down, guys. I mean way down. Nobody plays polo anymore and khakis went out long ago.” Calvin, usually the stoic one, has to agree. “Sales are low and there’s no denying it,” he confirms. Joe shakes his head, looking down at the table. “Yeah, ours too. But we’re worse off than you guys. We don’t have shirts and colognes to tide us over when times get tough & belts get tightened.” Calvin sits straight up and gets that look. Inspiration has struck. “That’s it! Belts get tightened! But what if…” He grabs a napkin and sketches out the fashion we now see all around us. Ralph & Joe are sure he’s kidding, so they’re roaring with laughter as Calvin sits there glaring. “Seriously, fellas. We get some guys off the street, pay ’em five bucks a day to wear their pants belted around their legs. People will see the boxers, love ’em and buy ’em. After a few weeks, they can pull their pants back up and our sales will be thru the roof.” Joe is still chuckling. Ralph is thinking of calling Calvin’s psychiatrist, but good ol’ CK looks completely sane. A month later, sales are even further down the drain and the three of them decide to implement the plan, never dreaming that more than a decade later, young men would still be wearing their pants with the crotches at their knees, studded belts cranked to transform waistbands to thighbands.
So there ya have it. That’s my theory.

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