Ean John Sprouse was born April 13th and we couldn’t be more happy to meet Quacho. I figured my first post after he was born would be to tell about his birth, to share his birth story, but it’s not what’s on my mind right now. Instead…
This isn’t our first rodeo. It isn’t even our second or third. Here I sit with you, my fourth child in my lap and I find something astonishing: I love you just as much as each of my other kids. In my mind, I knew it would be so, but I confess: in my heart, I worried. You’d have thought that part of my stores of love were full to capacity, yet as I roam the halls of my heart and consider those who dwell here, I find there’s a whole new wing with your name on it. It stands ready and waiting to be filled with new memories, hugs and kisses given to and received from you, my precious baby boy. The walls are not bare, though. We already have our memories, don’t we?
There’s a snapshot of your father and I as we tote your brothers into the waiting room before my “official” ultrasound. We’re anxious to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl (I’m quite sure it’s a girl). There a little further down the hall hangs a picture of your daddy, his hand on my belly and you kicking his hand furiously. There are several pictures of all the varied (and sometimes silly) things I did to encourage you to flip when we learned you were breech. And then comes a flood of pictures: it’s your birthday. There you are; you’re trying to crawl out backwards through the incision made just for you. In another, you’re crying as Daddy stands guard watching the nurses stretch you out and look you over. There’s me kissing you and nuzzling your little nose as they sew up the cut that was your entryway. In another picture, we’re snuggling on the bed in recovery. There we’re snuggling on the bed in the room, there on the couch at home… there are a lot of pictures of us snuggling, aren’t there?
How can this be, that I love you so much? I’ve had years to love your brothers and I’m sure I love them more with each and every day. I think you’re riding their coattails to some extent. I know how wonderful they are and what a privilege it is to be their mommy and you… you are joining their ranks and I couldn’t be more proud. This love… this passion for you… It can only be because love has no numbers, no maximum, no cut off. And because of this, I will love you more tomorrow than I do today. We will spend hours upon hours getting to know one another and one day, I will let you go… but I will not love you less as I do. No, you will take with you a piece of my heart… a replica of this hall of memories. It will be our bond and we will build on it more and more. Only God in Heaven can say what pictures we will take, what snapshots will fill these walls. We will see them revealed one day, one blessed day, at a time. As we walk our road together, my son, my sweet Ean, know this and hold my hand tightly: I love you more than I can say.
~With hugs and kisses from your adoring mother